I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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