she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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