GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
