i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
