Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
