I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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