This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
