I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
