I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
