I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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