I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
