please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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