Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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