then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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