She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
