True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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