Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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