CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
