What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
