shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
