YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
