And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Even my vagina gasped.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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