Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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