..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
