She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
