Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
