my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
