I just saw a hot homeless man
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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