He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
