I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
