So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
