dude i'm inner monologue high
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
