Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
