a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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