that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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