Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
