But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
