drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
