just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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