i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
