bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
