She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
