1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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