I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
