bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
