dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
