I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
