i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
