Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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