Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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