Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
