I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
