did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
