u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My liver just broke up with me...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Houston, we have a blender
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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