i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
