Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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