I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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