I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
