I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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