I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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