shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
