Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
