why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
