Whod you bang
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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